“When you find out who you are/You’ll find out what you need/Blue skies and sunshine guaranteed”

“Money aint got no soul/Money aint got no heart” via The Princess and the Frog song “Dig A Little Deeper”

“This old town can slow you down/People taking the easy way/But I know exactly where I’m going/Getting closer and closer every day/And I’m almost there, I’m almost there/People down here think I’m crazy, but I don’t care/Trials and tribulations, I’ve had my share/There ain’t nothing gonna stop me now ‘cause I’m almost there” via The Princess and the Frog song “Almost There” (Below)

One of my favorite Disney movies in a long time has been The Princess and the Frog. It simply feels like a movie with a great message; which of course, is ruined once love becomes the major plot-line instead of the Tiana (The Protagonist) working and eventually reaching her dreams. 

But like Tiana, I have finally worked and I am finished with school. Now, I am almost there, but I must find a job. UGH!

My birthday is also this August 20th (Which makes me really think about things since I am turning 22). 

What inspired me from the music of the movie is a hard hard life decision [sic]. I don’t know if I want to go back to New York or stay in Texas. For the past five years in Texas, I have been going to school and now I am finished. This is versus the 17 years I spent growing up in New York City for the majority of my life. I miss it. It has made me who I am. 

But all the new friends and opportunities that have arrived here in Texas make me scared to go back to New York. I didn’t go to NYU like I hoped, I am not going to J-Schools because people are thinking about shutting them down period, I didn’t become a doctor, and I didn’t graduate on time (it took me 4 years two months versus 4 years). 

I feel somewhat passionless in Texas when I am not writing, out with friends, or even driving which I hate! When I lived in New York, I was inspired, active, knew exactly who I was and who I was going to be.

Texas if anything has been (PLEASE TAKE NO OFFENSE TO THIS) a major curveball in my life. But without being Texas, I wouldn’t have realized or reached many major milestones in my life. I feel as it was a fat/summer camp. Texas is cheap, hot, and really ok in my book. My ex-loathe for this place is now a bit of warmth. IF Houston, Texas were a stranger I guess I would hug it.

But like an old friend, I would make-out with New York.

UGGGHHH, and it’s not a situation of whether I would or wouldn’t make it out there. I have family there still that are willing to help me get on my feet. But, living at home and starting my professional career would just be easier.

New York writers get the glory and the stories.

Texas writers get the stories and a bit of the boring.

I am really thinking of going to the publishing institute too after working for a bit.

THIS IS A BIG BOY DECISION AND I FEEL LIKE I NEED AN ADULT, BUT I AM ONE. SO NOW WHAT?

This is the point in my life that I have been waiting for and I can’t write or think until I decide. Why am I like this? Fucking take it up with Jesus, but I need to have a gameplan here. 

If I don’t get a job and I have to wait tables, would I rather do it in TX or NY.

I will give myself until after my sister’s birthday (early Dec) to find out. If I don’t get a job by then, I will go back to New York and celebrate New Years over there.

If I do get a job in Texas, it’s another year to two year commitment that I am not sure I could do. I like it here, but I love it there. 

Here’s what I have decided. WTF do you think? I feel guilty though in a way that I am letting down people. That I won’t even give Texas a chance. But in a way, I think I have given Texas as much as a chance as a person could give. 

The Universe is fucking weird. WHY MUST YOU BE WEIRD UNIVERSE?

(NOTE: I wish I was high when I wrote this, but I am not. I am fucking sober and tired. I just want to simply get a job. Hopefully in NY. Hopefully in TX. UGGH!)