Life has changed and so have I. I haven’t realized that so much is no longer the way it was. 

1) I lost weight.

2) I came out of the closet.

3) I had an ok time as editor.

4) I am soon to graduate, even though I was supposed to in May.

The biggest item on this list that hasn’t changed is that I am still single. I still haven’t found someone to just have my back and be interested in my life as much as I would theirs.

I met someone last Friday who instantly clicked with me. As quickly as we clicked, we screwed *safely*. Until a day after, I didn’t realize that I was a one night stand. This guy who totally said meeting me was fate (which I believe in), was just looking to end a dryspell. So did I, but I wasn’t too happy about realizing this.

I thought only ditzy blonde girls would be the only ones to be dumb enough to fall for some shit like this, but me? Someone who is smart, educated, and hard headed?

Being a full-time naive person definitely has it’s set backs.

After talking with the majority of my friends and confirming that this is no fairy tale, they repeatedly said that “people your age just want to fuck and finding a relationship would be hard.” 

To which I replied, “gross”. So I guess the ultimate question popped into my head this instant:

Do I really just screw around until I am 30 years old or do I stick it out and do what is right for myself?

I don’t get how professional playas get their sleep. I have a guilty conscience as it is. Second, thats fucking dangerous as shit. Why sleep around when you could possibly die from fucking too much (disease wise especially in the gay community)?

Is monogamy non-existent? Especially in the gay community?

I got to googling and I literally just typed in “monogamy” “gay” “myth”. Apparently I am not the first nor the last person who is questioning all of this, which is perpetuated by the media (sex in the city’s sequel had a gay wedding where they are in an open relationship *He gets to cheat?). 

Many people thought the same on the search results, wait or act? 

Too tell the truth, I am questioning the question of my first question. We are humans that need to get off, but at what expense? Hurting someone else’s feelings?

As I looked for an image to put in this post, I saw one of Ricky Martin. Sure, he might have been a slut for all we know; But, he has a family and I want a family. 

He incorporates the ideals of having a family while being a gay latino/hispanic.

I am really strained on a lot because my mother isn’t accepting of me being gay and even tells me I can’t have a family because there needs to be a woman to conceive a child.

But I do wants kids and I do want a family. 

Will there ever be a gay man out there who wants the same? Have they just believed what the many non-accepting mothers have said and just given up?

There are just so many thoughts I have on the topic.

Because of the playa from Friday, I fully realized my morals and what I want in life, so the mistake wasn’t one to be exact. It just helped me realized that I would rather wait. 

Painstakingly wait. At least I have alcohol :)