Blondie’s “Dreaming” has always been a favorite. Every time Debbie Harry sings about a girl day dreaming and wanting things to come to fruition with the line “Dreaming is Free”, I basically start to day dream.

I day dream a lot. It’s been to the point that I have gotten a flat tire because “Dreaming is Free”.

No one told me that this is actually one of the worst traits to have. It’s not bad in the sense that you dream of amazing, spectacular, fantastic things you want to occur in life (maybe even that instant). It’s bad in the flat tire sense. Sometimes you day dream so much, dream so big, that you forget what actually designates reality.

Today I am not a reporter, but an employee at a start-up company.

Today I know what I want so bad. Now more than ever, I have a drive to get what I want.

But I have had to stop (or at least slow down) day dreaming to realize and not forget that hard work is needed. I must put sweat equity outward and it needs to bring me to my day dreams. 

I met with some cool folks I used to unofficially work for… It was fun.

Unfortunately and fortunately fun.

I remember when it was my second day at my current job. I was tearing up while I waited for the operator to come through the call. I was sad, but currently not unemployed or uncomfortable. So, I pushed through, realized the price tags of life and growing up. I love my job because I am afforded the opportunity to spread my wings (sorry, best idiom to use ever!)

I don’t love my job because I actually have to yield when it comes to daydreaming.

But not Daydreaming so much means I am growing up —- I guess. I have some money to pay some bills, I still don’t have my own car but I can have a chance to save up and buy one, I don’t owe college loans yet, so far so good.

But my day dreaming has slowed dramatically. My sleep is dwindling. I have acne, which I never really had much of in my entire life.

I am complacently complacent. It scares me. 

I watch/listen to my favorite TV Shows, Movies, and Music and can’t bear to watch it. I still love art and entertainment, but seeing an alternative reality didn’t help me in the past and probably wouldn’t help me now. Seeing a Hollywood story and not the truth can’t quell my desire to dream, even though it’s dying a bit.

The magic, twinkle, whatever I used to call it seems diminished. I still daydream once and a while; but when I absolutely can conjure up something, I feel the need hold back a tear and pull myself away. That tag of growing up.

Something that has contributed to this is that two insanely close friends have been diagnosed with Cancer and Pre-cancerous tumors. Two people who have helped me, inspired me, and built me up to the man I am today.

The saddest part is that I wish them the best, but can’t daydream a possible happy ending. And I don’t know why…

I would rather pay all the money in the world to daydream right now.

As I lay to bed and wait for this trait to have a balance like everything else in my life, I will wake the next morning